You know the feeling – that sensation of falling
That can wake you out of a dead sleep
You’re falling fast
Hard
Unstoppable
The air blowing past your face at excruciating speed
Until finally you awake in your bed
Safe and sound
Falling without falling.
This feeling akin to the tingle in your abdomen
When you’re sitting at the top of a roller coaster
That one fateful instant before the plunge.
The same sensation as diving head-first off of a three-meter board
The moment before you crash into the waters below.
Or perhaps the moment you take the racing platform
an instant before the gun sounds
And you plummet into the water
To give everything you have away for the sake of gold.
You know the feeling
As you take the stage for a song or a sermon
When all eyes are upon you,
Anxiously expecting greatness –
will they be disappointed with what they see?
It’s that near-miss, dodged-a-bullet feeling
You get as you barely avoid a collision.
Or perhaps it’s that feeling when worlds collide,
Plans fall apart
To make way for something better.
Something unexpected.
Where you expected a kiss, you were met with a fist-bump
Where you hoped for a hug, friendly banter took its place.
You wonder – should I be disappointed?
Everything you’ve experienced tells you that you should be
Everything inside agrees, save that still small voice that whispers
“No.”
“No, sweetheart. This was my plan all along.”
And you can’t be disappointed,
You don’t even need to pray through it anymore
Because the pain you were expecting never showed up.
Where you sought a lover
You found a brother
Where you sought silver
You found platinum or gold
Where you sought sustenance
You found a feast.
Was it the feast you were expecting?
The menu you’d planned?
No.
But the King who extended the invitation
Guessed in advance the things you would need
And provided bountifully,
Beautifully.
And all you can do is stand in awe at the banquet table,
Musing to yourself how could He have ever guessed this was what you were craving all along?
Pure, unadulterated affection
Friendship
Companionship
The ability to trust
To love
To hope
To accept
To be content.
And these realizations flood you
Overwhelming your system
And your soul
Crashing one after the other
Into your heart
Filling you with gladness, saturating your being with peace
Though not what you were expecting.
And all you know is that you thought you were jumping
You thought you were falling
And yet before you hit the water
Before you crashed to the bottom
Your King awakened you
With a jolt
An epiphany
A moment
A flash
A stomach drop.
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